Dating in recovery, whether you’re just getting started or maintaining a relationship, can be difficult, and, let’s face it, different. Going to your previously usual places, bars, clubs, or restaurants where alcohol is served may be entirely off the table in favor of your sobriety.
At the same time, you don’t want to be a hermit, so fun sober date ideas are a must to create new opportunities for romantic connection. So how can you navigate this unique season successfully while still keeping your recovery intact? Let’s explore.
Must-Remember’s for Dating in Recovery
According to JAMA Psychiatry, research suggests you wait at least six months to a whole year before getting back on the dating scene in recovery. After all, entering into a dating relationship can cause addiction triggers that lead to relapse or drive you to take on a behavioral transfer addiction (sex addiction, for example) in the fallout. Eventually, however, you may be ready to venture out again. If that’s you, here are a few key requirements you must remember when dating in recovery:
Stay Connected to Recovery Support
Maybe the person you’re dating is awesome, but they’re also not a therapist, recovery peer mentor, or addiction treatment professional. Don’t forget to continue to prioritize your recovery in the midst of your newfound relationship. Sure, your significant other may be able to help you along the way, but you still need objective sponsors, peers, and accountability partners in your life. In this new season of dating, you need to stay connected to your support network now more than ever.
Date Outside Your Social Circles
It’s normal to date someone you meet at your gym, church, neighborhood park, or even at work. But when dating in recovery, dating someone in your social circles isn’t the best idea. Whether you like to think it or not, it eventually may not work out with the person you’re dating. The last thing you need in recovery is to then see that person on a regular basis when you’re living your life. Soon those encounters can become sources of stress and emotional dysregulation that can lead to drug or alcohol relapse.
Disclose From the Get-Go
It’s understandable not to share all your deepest secrets with the person you’re beginning to date. You may think this includes the fact that you’re in recovery, but it’s important to do just the opposite in this situation. From the start, or as early as possible, you need to tell the person you’re going on dates with that you’re in recovery. You’ll learn a lot from how they respond, as well as how they show you support. It also avoids the awkwardness of them wanting to order drinks or visit a bar and you having to quickly explain why that’s not a good idea.
Take It Slow
Recovery is a lifelong process. It’s likely that you’re still figuring out your new sober life. That means dating in recovery should also be a slow, gradual process, too. Now isn’t the time to jump in full-bore into a new relationship. In reality, dating in recovery can actually be a little scary for both partners (not just you), so it’s fair to take things one step at a time and maintain your recovery goals simultaneously. And if the person you’re dating wants to end it, don’t be offended.
Fun Sober Date Ideas for Dating in Recovery
With dating in recovery on the horizon, sober date ideas can really help you prioritize your long-term sobriety and enjoy (and evaluate!) the dating relationship in the process. After all, there’s all kinds of dating fun to be had that doesn’t require substances (or proximity to substances).
Plus, sober date ideas will help you create space to talk about deeper topics and actually learn what you both have passion for and value. With that said, here are some sober date ideas you can use with confidence:
Go-To Sober Date Ideas List
- Dessert places: Donut shops, ice cream shops, bakeries, and other places like this offer substance-free settings to enjoy a tasty treat together.
- City parks: Green spaces and local parks provide relaxing settings to play a lawn game (think cornhole, washers, or kübb), walk around, or have a picnic.
- Coffee shops: Coffee shops provide a relaxed, casual setting to connect and learn more about each other. Plus, the kinds of drinks offered are usually cheaper than alcohol.
- Fun classes: From cooking and pottery to dance or latte art, there are a lot of interesting classes out there to participate in together. Not only are they fun, but they likely help you learn more about your date (and laugh along the way).
- Museums: Quiet and relaxed, art, history, and science museums provide self-paced entertainment that leaves room for interesting conversation.
- Scavenger hunts: Whether it’s geocaching or trying all the taco trucks in town, do-it-yourself scavenger hunts invite opportunities to explore and share new experiences.
- Outdoor adventures: Hiking, rock climbing, horseback riding, kayaking, or even skydiving can be fun physical activities that create memorable moments.
- Food trucks: Many cities have dedicated spaces for food truck setups, allowing you to enjoy a nice meal together in a relaxed setting with low expectations.
- Star parties: Observatories often host public star parties where you can look at the stars through their telescopes, or you could pick a dark night just to stargaze yourself.
- Neighborhood strolls: Find a small town main street or a quiet road in your neighborhood and take a walk, enjoying easy conversation together.
Pursue Addiction Recovery in Vermont
Dating in recovery can be a fun adventure that leads to a lasting relationship. But to get there, you need to be pursuing lasting sobriety as well. Offering both evidence-based and holistic addiction treatment, our Vermont-based recovery programs at Sana at Stowe are here to help you finally overcome any substance abuse and achieve long-term sobriety. To learn more, call us today.
