When you’re trying to recover from addiction, one of the big hurdles you may need to overcome is shame. Shame and addiction often go hand in hand, in fact. As you pursue long-term sobriety, shame can still be a regular, unwanted companion. By learning to show yourself forgiveness in recovery, however, you can finally break free from the shame and addiction cycle and move forward. It may be the last thing you want to do, but your self-forgiveness in recovery is an important part of achieving true healing.
Why Shame and Addiction are Connected
According to McGill University, shame is “an emotion that involves negative beliefs about yourself that can be pervasive and destructive to your sense of self.” Shame can define who you are as damaged, bad, or a failure. If you see yourself as bad due to shame, then you may believe that you don’t deserve to be happy, or that the things that go wrong in your life are all your fault.
In the context of shame and addiction, it’s likely that you view your addiction struggles, whatever they may be, as something shameful. That means you probably don’t want others to know about your past addiction, let alone your recovery adjustments and challenges back in the real world.
Perhaps you’re ashamed of the fact that you let your substance use spiral into a debilitating addiction, where others have not. It may be all too easy to compare yourself to people you know who don’t have the same challenges. On the other hand, it’s not easy to show yourself forgiveness in recovery when shame dominates your thinking.
The stigma of addiction also makes overcoming shame in recovery a challenge. Aspects of society today still have a stigma (defined as labeling, stereotyping, and discrimination according to Johns Hopkins University) toward people who struggle with addiction, as well as addiction treatment in general. Consequently, the addiction stigmas you face may negatively impact your well-being, as well as your treatment and recovery process. Soon, you can get stuck in a shame and addiction cycle that leaves you vulnerable to drug or alcohol relapse.
Relapse and the Shame and Addiction Cycle
Overcoming shame is a must in the addiction recovery process. But what if you don’t learn how to overcome shame? For starters, your self-esteem and view of your self-worth can rapidly deteriorate. You may begin to believe you’re incapable of actually breaking free from addiction and achieving long-term sobriety. Shame may also drive you into isolation. This keeps you from getting the support you need along your journey, either from loved ones or peers in an addiction support group.
As your feelings of inadequacy and shame combine with a lack of support, they can become constant addiction triggers. After all, addictive substances have likely been your coping mechanism of choice for ongoing negative feelings or the lingering effects of past trauma (including childhood trauma). Shame will only continue to exacerbate these addictive urges and cravings. Before long, your recovery goals can fall by the wayside as you relapse into your addiction again. And the shame and addiction cycle continues.
Fighting Against Shame With Forgiveness in Recovery
So how can you finally shake loose from the ongoing shame and addiction cycle? Learning to forgive yourself is a major step. Just as shame and addiction are often interconnected, so are forgiveness and recovery.
When you reflect upon your actions and choices associated with your addiction, you may feel that you can never show yourself forgiveness in recovery. The idea of forgiving yourself in recovery may seem unfair, or like something to put off for years as the dust settles in long-term sobriety. However, self-forgiveness in recovery should be a priority of your sobriety journey right now.
Without self-forgiveness in recovery, your shame will continue to spiral and hinder your long-term healing. But forgiving yourself reduces shame’s power. When you show yourself forgiveness in recovery, shame gets replaced with self-compassion and self-awareness. According to the University of California, Berkeley, forgiving yourself allows you to move from despair and self-attack to acceptance and peace—but without letting yourself off the hook.
Learning to forgive yourself doesn’t mean that you shirk responsibility for what you did in your past. You still own up to your mistakes and your addiction, but these things no longer reflect who you are today. Forgiveness in recovery allows you to move forward with a great burden off your shoulders, knowing you’re capable of changing yourself for the better.
Roadblocks to Self-Forgiveness in Recovery
If you think you may be ready to show yourself forgiveness in addiction recovery, it’s important to be aware of things that can get in the way. Namely, they’re barriers that can happen inside your head. A few mental challenges to self-forgiveness in recovery include:
- Negative internal dialogue: Negative self-talk, a self-sabotaging behavior, may regularly remind you of your addicted past, keeping you from finding inner peace.
- Unattainable expectations: Believing you have to be perfect in your recovery, with no lapse vs relapse issues, may be a holdup for your own forgiveness.
- Needing others’ forgiveness first: You might think others need to forgive you before you feel worthy enough to seek forgiveness yourself.
- Letting go: If you forgive yourself, you may fear that you won’t remember or own up to your addiction, leading to relapse or hurting others again.
Forgiveness in Recovery: How Do You Forgive Yourself?
So what does forgiveness in recovery look like in practice? For many people, it’s very much a process, requiring grace, intentionality, and honesty in recovery. While it’s something that probably won’t be accomplished all at once, you can learn to forgive yourself in time. Here are some practical next steps to help you along the road to forgiveness in recovery:
Recognize Your Addicted Past For What It Is
Get real about how your actions, words, and choices have hurt others, as well as yourself. You don’t need to discount, minimize, disregard, or rationalize your past anymore. If you acknowledge what you did honestly, you clear up space in your heart to achieve self-forgiveness.
Own Up to Your Mistakes, Compassionately
Beyond acknowledging your past, you also need to take ownership of what you did, as well as the trouble it caused you and your loved ones. Part of this step may require you to make amends with others if you haven’t already. Also remember to give yourself grace as you’re doing it; you don’t have to beat yourself up over and over again.
Realize Shame is a Feeling, Not Reality
Overcoming shame begins with recognizing its objective truth: it’s only a feeling. It’s not the reality of who you are. If you face shame in the future, learn to see it as something that doesn’t define you as a person. When you remind yourself of this in the moment, the shame and addiction cycle loses its power.
Fight Against Any Negative Views of Yourself
Shame would tell you that something is inherently wrong with you, or that you’re not worthy of succeeding. Knowing how to overcome shame involves letting go of beliefs like these, as they’re simply unhealthy and incorrect. Yes, you’ve made some bad decisions (and you can certainly own that), but you’re also choosing to change for the better. You are worthy. Shame and addiction don’t define who you are. Fill your internal dialogue with encouragement and positivity as you recognize the bravery it takes to right your wrongs.
Seek Addiction Treatment
When trying to forgive yourself and heal from shame and addiction, it’s key to partner with a professional addiction treatment center. Not only will an addiction treatment team address your direct addiction symptoms, they’ll also focus on healing the root causes of your struggles, too. That means using personalized therapies to help you overcome the circumstances from your past that may be driving your shame, paving the way for self-forgiveness in recovery.
Connect With Your Support Network
Shame and addiction thrive in isolation. Overcoming shame happens when you step out of isolation and become known by your community. In recovery, continue to prioritize the relationships you have with friends, peers, and loved ones who will encourage you, support your recovery, and hold you accountable. As you do, showing yourself forgiveness in recovery gets easier as shame loses its foothold in your life.
Keep Growing
Forgiveness in recovery is a major accomplishment on the road to long-term sobriety. But you’re not done yet. Recovery is an ongoing process you commit to for life. That means you always need to focus on growth, even when successes and setbacks happen. You’ve got this!
Overcome Shame and Addiction at Sana at Stowe
Recovery isn’t something you have to do alone. We’re here for you at Sana at Stowe in Stowe, Vermont. Our holistic, compassionate alcohol and drug addiction treatment programs address your addiction at its source, as well as any co-occurring trauma or mental health disorders. By partnering with us, you can overcome shame, finally forgive yourself, and heal your mind, body, and spirit. To learn more, call us today.
