A strong relationship is always built on trust. And trust can keep a relationship going in the midst of hard times. Yet when a loved one or partner struggles with an addiction, the trusted bond you share together can break. If you’re reading this, you may be struggling with the fallout of what your addiction has done to your relationship. Repairing relationships in recovery is possible, however. With the right steps, you can restore what once was a strong, trusted bond before addiction fractured it.
Repairing Relationships in Recovery: A Mutual Commitment
How do you restore relational trust in recovery? In the throes of addiction, such an answer may seem out of reach. No doubt your addiction has caused pain in your partner or loved one’s life (let alone your own), so you need to demonstrate that you’re working toward long-term sobriety so your loved one can feel safe enough to work toward their own healing. But if you’re taking steps to achieve sobriety, you can also take steps to rebuild trust with those you love, too.
Trust, according to the Gottman Institute, allows you and your loved one to feel safe and opens the door for a deeper connection that carries you both forward through the highs and lows of life. Rebuilding trust in a relationship requires you and your spouse or loved one to commit to working towards renewing said trust together. Commitment, explains the Gottman Institute, centers around the actions you take daily to let each other know you’re for one another and making decisions with the relationship in mind. That means each day of your recovery prioritizes the rebuilding of trust in your relationship.
Foundational Keys to Rebuilding Trust After Addiction
Once you and your partner or loved one commit to restoring trust in recovery, you need to focus on intentionality and communication. These core elements are key to rebuilding trust after addiction. A healthy, trusting relationship thrives on communication.
In this season of rebuilding trust, you need to discuss what you’ve been through due to your addiction, your feelings toward one another, and the goals of your relationship right now. This keeps expectations clear. If you’re unsure what to say, meditation and journaling on your own can be a good place to start.
At the same time, your communication should be intentional. That means being genuinely honest about what you need from each other to rebuild trust. Honesty in recovery is critical for all parties involved. This allows you both to understand each other’s perspectives so you can take actions that truly help. And when life gets busy or distracting, intentionality will help you both stay the course in working on healing and rebuilding trust together.
Repairing Relationships in Recovery: Your Role
In repairing relationships after addiction, you have a big responsibility to make amends and restore relational trust. Along the recovery journey, here are some key requirements you must provide for rebuilding trust in a relationship:
- Owning up to your past: You need to be transparent with your partner or loved one about your addicted past and own up to the hurt you caused. This isn’t the time to place blame elsewhere or share half-truths. Own up to your failures and take responsibility for your actions.
- Committing to change: Communicate your plan to heal and grow in recovery. It’s important that your loved one understands how you’re planning to move forward with a substance-free life and are willing to make big changes to rebuild trust.
- Empathizing: You’re not the only one going through a challenging adjustment. Take time to understand your spouse or loved one’s pain due to your addiction. Then show your support by validating those feelings.
- Following through: It’s one thing to say you’ll make changes; it’s another to actually do it. Offer support, respect boundaries, and show trustworthy behavior.
Repairing a Marriage After Addiction (or Any Relationship): The Loved One’s Role
As this is a mutual commitment to rebuilding trust, you as the spouse or loved one (if you’re reading this) have a role to play as well. Here are a few important steps you need to take to move forward:
- Focusing on Your Own Healing: You’ve likely dealt with some form of trauma due to your spouse or loved one’s addiction. Make sure you prioritize your individual healing in this process, too.
- Sharing Your Real Feelings: Express how you’re actually doing, especially if something is troubling you. This openness keeps wounds from festering, and allows you both to work through things together.
- Having patience: Restoring trust can be a long process; it takes time. Focus on the small steps and celebrate progress together.
Get Addiction Help in New England
While addiction may have broken trust between you and your loved ones, repairing relationships in recovery is certainly possible. But it starts with taking active steps to heal your addiction for good. At Sana at Stowe in Stowe, Vermont, our drug and alcohol addiction treatment programs can help you reclaim your life. To get started, contact our team today.
