No doubt addiction has damaged your life, as well as produced collateral damage in the lives of your loved ones. In the fallout of it all, you may struggle with shame, self-blame, guilt, anger, and many other negative feelings. In the recovery process, you may be working hard to learn how to live a sober, substance-free life. But, ironically, the last thing you may want to do is to learn how to forgive yourself. However, self-forgiveness is an important part of the addiction recovery journey.
Should You Forgive Yourself?
When you reflect upon your actions and choices associated with your addiction, you may feel that you can never forgive yourself. The idea of forgiving yourself may seem unfair, or like something to put off for years as the dust settles in long-term recovery. However, learning how to forgive yourself should be a priority of your recovery journey right now. That’s because the shame and guilt you carry now will eventually take its toll.
Even if you’re doing great with your recovery goals, the weight of shame or guilt can derail everything. As it deteriorates into toxic levels, you may feel unworthy of sobriety or love. Once these feelings spiral, you may isolate yourself and begin to seek out your old addictive habits to cope, leading to drug or alcohol relapse.
If self-forgiveness is so important in recovery, what does that actually entail? According to the University of California, Berkeley, forgiving yourself is a process of emotional healing. It allows you to move from despair and self-attack to acceptance and peace—but without letting yourself off the hook. Learning to forgive yourself doesn’t mean that you shirk responsibility for what you did in your past. You still own up to your mistakes and your addiction, but these things no longer reflect who you are today. By forgiving yourself, you can move forward in recovery with a great burden off your shoulders, knowing you’re capable of changing yourself for the better.
Roadblocks to Forgiving Yourself
If you think you may be ready to forgive yourself, it’s important to be aware of things that can get in the way of doing so during recovery. Namely, they’re barriers that can happen inside your head. A few mental challenges to self-forgiveness include:
- Negative internal dialogue: Negative self-talk, a self-sabotaging behavior, may regularly remind you of your addicted past, keeping you from finding inner peace.
- Unattainable expectations: Believing you have to be perfect in your recovery, with no lapse vs relapse issues, may be a holdup for your own forgiveness.
- Needing others’ forgiveness first: You might think others need to forgive you before you feel worthy enough to seek forgiveness yourself.
- Letting go: If you forgive yourself, you may fear that you won’t remember or own up to your addiction, leading to relapse or hurting others again.
How Do You Forgive Yourself in Recovery?
So what does forgiving yourself in recovery look like in practice? For many people, it’s very much a process, requiring compassion, intentionality, and honesty. While it’s something that probably won’t be accomplished in one fell swoop, you can learn to forgive yourself in time. Here are some practical steps you can take to get started:
Step 1 – Recognize Your Addicted Past For What It Is
Get real about how your actions, words, and choices have hurt others, as well as yourself. You don’t need to discount, minimize, disregard, or rationalize your past anymore. If you acknowledge what you did honestly, you clear up space in your heart to change.
Step 2 – Own Up to Your Mistakes, Compassionately
Beyond acknowledging your past, you also need to take ownership of what you did, as well as the trouble it caused you and your loved ones. Part of this step may require you to make amends with others if you haven’t already. Also remember to give yourself some grace as you’re doing it; you don’t have to beat yourself up over and over again.
Step 3 – Push Back on the Shame
Shame and negative self-talk have no place in forgiveness. They’re essentially uninvited guests. Challenge any shame or internal putdowns you’re dealing with so they don’t linger. Replace those feelings with self-compassion.
Step 4 – Encourage Yourself
The process of forgiving yourself also involves working on lifting your spirits. You no longer have to replay your mistakes in your mind. Fill your internal dialogue with encouragement and positivity as you recognize the bravery it takes to right your wrongs.
Step 5 – Keep Growing
Self-forgiveness is a major accomplishment on the road to long-term healing. But you’re not done yet. Recovery is an ongoing process you commit to for life. That means you always need to focus on growth, even when successes and setbacks happen. You’ve got this!
Pursue Lasting Recovery at Sana at Stowe
Recovery isn’t something you have to do alone. We’re here for you at Sana at Stowe. Our holistic, compassionate alcohol and drug addiction treatment programs address the root causes of your struggles—paving the way for sobriety and self-forgiveness. To learn more, contact us today.
