Maybe some of your prescription pills have been disappearing. Or you’ve noticed drug paraphernalia in the house. Perhaps you’ve seen the alcohol expenses pile up. Regardless, you may suspect that your loved one has some kind of substance use disorder. But when you’ve confronted them about the issue, you have this feeling that they’re gaslighting you. If so, it’s good to know what gaslighting examples look like so you can respond appropriately when it happens next time.
Exactly What Does Gaslighting Mean, Anyway?
Though it may have been a buzzword in recent years, gaslighting is very real. But what does gaslighting mean, exactly? Gaslighting is actually a specific form of emotional abuse and mental manipulation meant to disrupt your ability to trust yourself and others, shares the Cleveland Clinic. As the victim of gaslighting, you may begin to question your sanity, decision-making capabilities, and even your foundational beliefs. This enables the gaslighter to have power or control over you.
Over time, as gaslighting perpetuates further, you can begin to lose faith in your own memory, instincts, and judgment. Your ability to think for yourself gets undermined, leading to anxiety, depression, and low self-esteem.
How to Recognize Gaslighting Examples
Gaslighting can happen in all kinds of relationships, including among the people you love most. When your loved one is indeed struggling with a drug or alcohol addiction, gaslighting can be their go-to strategy to hide it from you. After all, gaslighting allows them to subtly deny any wrongdoing. That’s why it’s important to learn how to recognize gaslighting when it happens so you can avoid being manipulated—and work to help your loved one get help themselves. Some of the typical gaslighting examples include:
Discrediting
In this gaslighting example, your loved one tries to take away your credibility among other family members by telling them that you’re being paranoid. As they do this, your family members may be tempted to take your loved one’s side. This also isolates you from their support in the process.
Trivializing
Once your feelings are shared, your loved one responds by saying you’re overreacting, which minimizes your feelings or perceptions. They may say you’re being dramatic or overly sensitive, and even share that something they did was only a joke or a one-time thing.
Countering
This classic gaslighting example involves your loved one questioning your memory after your concerns are expressed in order to fill you with self-doubt. If you begin to think your memories don’t reflect reality, you’ll start second guessing yourself.
Withholding
When you begin to share your suspicions or concerns, your loved one may refuse to listen, pretend that they don’t understand, or even walk away. “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” is a common response.
Diverting
Among the different gaslighting examples, diverting involves intentionally confusing you. Whether your loved one responds vaguely to your concerns, changes the subject, or contradicts what you say, they’re trying to prevent the issue from being directly addressed.
Gaslighting Examples You May Encounter in Addicted Loved Ones
Can you relate to any of the gaslighting examples above? If so, you likely have good reason to be concerned that something’s going on. But what is an example of gaslighting when the issue at hand is addiction? How could your addicted loved one try to manipulate you with gaslighting? Here are a few potential scenarios:
- You discover weed in your son or daughter’s bedroom. When you address it, they say it wasn’t them, responding with something like, “My friend was working on her homework in here the other day,” to convince you to doubt your suspicions.
- You catch your sibling using some of your prescription drugs and confront them about it. They try to shift the blame back on you, stating that if you hadn’t done (insert issue here), they wouldn’t need to turn to drugs. Instead of taking responsibility, they want you to feel like you’re the reason for their problem.
- You ask your partner if they’ve been coming home late due to drinking, and they share that they’re just working late. When you express your doubts, they respond by saying you’re being crazy. They may even attempt to make you feel guilty for thinking that way.
What Should You Do If You Experience These Gaslighting Examples?
If you think your loved one could be gaslighting you, how should you respond? Before confronting them, make it a point to write down any conversations or situations that brought you concern shortly after they happen. This is helpful to have as a reference in case your memory gets questioned later.
And if you keep sensing that something is wrong, trust your instincts. It may be a good idea to process your situation with a trusted friend or therapist who can provide perspective on whether you’re experiencing gaslighting or not.
Helping Your Loved One Find Lasting Healing
If you determine that your loved one is gaslighting you and they eventually come clean, it’s important that they seek help for their addiction. They can’t simply quit alcohol or drugs cold turkey. They need to participate in a personalized addiction treatment program to get sober.
At Sana at Stowe, in Stowe, VT, our luxury treatment centers provide comprehensive alcohol and drug addiction treatment that can heal your loved one’s struggles at the source, enabling them to break the cycle of addiction for good. To learn more, contact our team today or download our addiction treatment guide.
